1. The functionally illiterate.

    At least, that is, if you mock them in print. Then you’re safe.

  2. The tiny.

    Say what you want, then jump up on the counter and laugh as they swing harmlessly.

  3. Cannibals.

    Apparently it is socially acceptable to mock this group due to their historically bad PR. Perhaps this will change in the future, but until then, tease away – from a safe distance, and don’t wear any of the onion and garlic lotion they got you.

  4. Mexicans.

    Most openly racist stereotypes seem to be roundly condemned, but you can still buy a landscaper outfit at Target, wearing a sombrero and pulling a donkey behind him. No real fear of negative kick back need be considered.

  5. Native Americans.

    Along with Mexicans, Native Americans are still up for ridicule. There are so few, there seems to be no real threat of having to answer to anyone. The Washington Redskins organization is nodding vigorously while high-fiving the Cleveland Indian Mascot – a smiling Native American with a giant red head.

  6. Serial Killers.

    This one is unexpected. You’d think we’d fear them a bit more.

  7. Vegans.

    What are they going to do, pummel you with tofu? Take off their Birkenstocks and throw them at you? You’re fine. Worse case scenario – throw a burger at them and watch them scream hysterically and run away.

  8. Florists.

    Haven’t met any that seem too frightening, so have a field day. El Guapo says it’s fine.  (Although it would be a perfect place for a violent mobster in the witness protection program to hide. Nah, go ahead. Live on the edge. What are the odds?)

  9. Small Children.

    Tease away. What are the odds that the memory of your mockery will survive into adulthood and then they’ll eventually seek violent revenge? Well, on second thought…

  10. Gangsta Rappers.

    Seriously. It’s all an act. Walk up to the biggest, scariest rapper with the prison tattoos on his face and say whatever foul thing comes to mind. Then call me, because El Guapo wants details.

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