Life is short, and often awkward, and elevators seem to be where all awkwardness originates.  So, why fight it.  Try the following to add a bit of spice to your next uncomfortable ride up with a stranger.

  1. “Dad?”

  2. “Man, these X-ray glasses really do work.” [then stare lecherously].

  3. “Do you know if you can get herpes on your elbow?” [then scratch your elbow]

  4. “I have a birthmark that looks like Jesus, look…” [proceed to unzip your pants]

  5. “Did you know that those chips you’re eating are believed to cause anal leakage?  Trust me, it’s more than just speculation.  I just had two bags.”

  6. “Are you over 18?  I’m legally supposed to stay away from children…and horses.”

  7. “Would you like to pray with me?  Just to make sure we make it to our respective floors.”

  8. “I saw a man die in this elevator… right there where you’re standing…after I strangled him… with his tie… and then made it look like a suicide… yesterday.”

  9. “I saw a porno once that started like this.”

  10. “I can bite my own face.  Watch this.” [try your best to bite your own face.  If you succeed, let El Guapo know and send a picture.]



  • Frito

    How about “I think I heard a cable snap”?

  • Anonymous

    LOL!!!! This list is awesome!

  • J.