Some estimates have one in four US adults infected with herpes. Make your Valentine’s Day flare up a source of fun and merriment, not shame. All it takes is a little imagination and an STD – which you probably already have or can contract easily enough. Stay sexy, America.
10. Xs and Os – For sports fans – Pick your favorite sport and use the little lesion to set up winning plays.
9. Presidential Cold Sores – label each sore according to what US president it most closely resembles.
8. The Sweet Sound Of Herpes – turn each sore into a musical note, then see what romantic diddy results.
7. Cankership – It’s exactly like Battleship – except with canker sores. Can you sink your partner’s cankership?
6. Twisted Twister – Color each sore, then spin away. Watch the fun ensue.
5. Travel Agent – Can’t decide on an island getaway destination? Let your fingers do the walking. Label each sore a potential destination and then…eeny, meeny, miny, moe… done.
4. Oregon Trail – Using sticky-notes and a little imagination you can revive the pioneer classic. Simply set up a canker trail and have a survival scenario ready at each stop on a small post-it note. You can select the game’s ultimate objective, if you know what I mean, cochino.
3. Monopoly – Great for a particularly harsh flare up. Set up the board, label each canker sore. And round and round you go. Don’t forget to collect your $200 when you pass go.
2. Clue – The first person to trace back the origin of the herpes virus wins. Was it with Lester the Janitor – in the office – after hours?
1. Connect the Canker Sores – what zany design might you come up with next? Unicorn? Tulip? Rainbow? Fate will decide. Well, fate and how well you follow the directions on your medication.
Your handsome and humble servant –
[photo by Parnote]