Mardi Gras, the ultimate sinverguenza hootenany, should be the undisputed sinverguenza in the news this week. Tragically, it is not. Instead, this week’s more deserving sinverguenza in the news is, well, The News. That’s right, El Guapo openly congratulates traditional news outlets for again declaring themselves insane, irrelevant, and filled with more exposed boobs than Bourbon Street. By now, no one is surprised that mainstream television news runs stories in some mystically determined order of importance – followed rigidly by all networks at all times. But this week newsrooms everywhere continue to find it prudent to set course, full journalistic throttle, toward Charlie Sheen’s surreal, media-fueled meltdown. Such coverage makes El Guapo long for more stories about natural disasters and local shootings – you know, classic, necessary information that enlightens.
Across the board, newsrooms have placed this Sheen soap opera (along with interviews of Charlie Sheen’s dermatologist, garbage man, and impersonator) ahead of the following:
The Idaho assembly OKing bill to curb teachers’ unions
2010 being marked as deadliest year for civilians in Afghan war (sure, you say, there are no innocents in Afghanistan. If they were innocent they’d live in Iowa or something.)
Rod Blagojevich’s hair continuing to stump scientists, defy laws of physiscs
Illinois abolishes the Death Penalty
A high five to mainstream journalists everywhere. Way to go. Perhaps we can learn about Sheen’s cuticles or what he likes on his toast next. Fingers crossed.