Refried Weekly Wrap-Up (Like A Weekly Overflowing Burrito Of Danger And Excitement)

Here are some refried morsels that were served up for you this week:

Never Underestimate The Power of The Forks

Even Lord Vader is no match for the forks.

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Study Concludes: Explosive Diarrhea, Leprosy, and Gonorrhea More Desirable Than Mitt Romney

The Daily Refried Research Team, armed with clip boards, number two pencils, a dozen rotary phones, and 108 available hours of AOL dial-up internet, conducted an extensive study to determine the electability of Mitt Romney.

The findings were startling to say the least.

 

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Poor, Lesbian, Minority, Undocumented Hipster Votes Republican, Becomes Irony Champion Of The World

Eufemia Guadalupe Munoz, known to her hipster friends as “Bermuda” for no particular reason, pulled off the ultimate upset Sunday night. After a quick deliberation, the panel of this year’s Irony Olympics crowned Eufemia the undisputed Irony Champion of the World.

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Disappointment: Realizing Project Gutenburg Has Nothing To Do With Steve

So, you decide to check out this project Gutenberg everyone’s yapping about. Expecting to find a detailed filmography and analysis of the greatest thespian of all time, you find books. Just lots and lots of books. 

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Nebraska Hates Undocumented Fetuses; Fetuses Plot Revenge

A message from a recent fetus, and current spokesperson for The Former Fetuses of America to the Governor of Nebraska.

How, you ask, do Nebraska GOP lawmakers explain the seemingly glaring contradictions of being staunchly pro-life, fetus-protecting Christians and yet opposing a law that would help provide prenatal care for undocumented women? El Guapo doesn’t know, but he does know it isn’t going over well in the fetus community.

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Take Your DREAM (Act) and Shove It, Young People

f you are like El Guapo (don’t you wish), recent DREAM Act news has revealed just how absurd this proposed legislation is. Undocumented young people, calling themselves DREAMers have been publicly making waves to lend their support to a cause that would provide them an opportunity to continue their education. If they’re so smart, why aren’t they finding better hiding places.

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Jay-Z: “Finally, Women’s History Month Is Over; Back To Calling Women ‘Bitches’

Madame Curie. Joan of Arc. Rosie the Riveter.  Jay-Z and El Guapo get it. Women occasionally do things besides baking, knitting, and/or wearing flimsy swimsuits. Thank goodness that the time for recognizing this is finally behind us for the year. Now to get things back to normal.

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Your handsome and humble servant-

El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.

[Burrito photo by Ernesto Andrade]

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