Refried Weekly Wrap Up (Like a Tasty Burrito) (1/28/12)

Greetings. In case you missed anything, here are some of the stories that were refried for you this week:

Newt Gingrich, Sith Lord

“Go ahead, call Newt Gingrich a deceptive, racist, amoral sack of putrid excrement. Go ahead, question his ethics and bring up the that during his tenure as Speaker of the House he had 84 ethics charges filed against him, that he was fined over $300,000. Go ahead, mention the countless times in his current campaign that he’s made implicit and explicitly racist comments without batting an eye. Go ahead, but you’d be baiting a master of the dark side force.

Xenophobia: Love It Or Leave It, Cabron

“As is usually the case, we sometimes need someone stronger, just plain better than ourselves to model that courage and fortitude, so that we can then emulate and stay the course. Who are we if not a people who can blame all our issues on other people, people unlike us? Let us not lose our way. Keep that finger pointed elsewhere. Look to the shining beacons of hope that are the GOP presidential hopefuls. These men take tough stands and spread xenophobia like they spread butter on their rolls – generously.”

If Romney Elected, 1/3 of US Plans To Self-Deport

“According to the numbers, 1/3 of US citizens polled claim that they will self-deport to “any-fucking-where” if pendejo extraordinaire Mittens is – by some Mormonic miracle – elected.”

GOP Debate Audiences Warned of Splatter Zone

“Remember when you went to Sea World and you sat in the splash zone, where you, in all likelihood, were subjected to getting doused with gallons of filthy water? That soft pretzel didn’t quite taste the same afterwards, did it?

Well, consider yourself lucky, because every GOP debate thus far has had a similar sign posted in the first few rows, but unlike Shamu, their shit isn’t watered down.”

Your handsome and humble servant-

El Guapo