Greetings. In case you missed anything, here are some of the stories that were refried for you this week:
The time is upon us. Those of Mexican decent have waited patiently since The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo (February, 2 1848), a treaty whose terms were dictated by The United States and resulted in the loss of 55%of Mexico’s pre-war territory. The patient seeds of rebellion have fermented in anger through consecutive generations and have grown into one pissed tree that’s about to fall on some unsuspecting motherf#@!ers. El Guapo is honored to have been unanimously selected as your leader in this endeavor. This is a complex operation, and I assure you some brilliant minds seem to be on to us, and their analytical skills are astounding and filed down to a diamond point:
Without getting into too much detail, whichever candidate summons the name and image of St. Ron most often and has the most impressive Reagan erection will take the party’s nomination hands down. (Hands will be down, but there’s no telling what the nominees will do with those hands).
For those who partake in White Appreciation Day, it would include the following:
- Dane Cook stand-up marathon
- Large white flags that, in a really useful move, will double as festive clothing. That’s right: stylish AND economical.—>
- To conserve energy and keep the party going into the wee-hours of the morning, lower-case ts will be set ablaze throughout the state. The ts will represent the intersection of cultures that make up “white.” The ts will be placed on the lawns of non-whites as an invitation to join the festivities. It will, all in all, be a very inclusive day.
Therefore, be forewarned that safe sex for a sinverguenza entails re-corking the box of wine and moving amorous acts over to the plastic –covered couch. (The plastic-covered couch is another signature sinverguenza warning sign.) The box of wine, you ask? Well, nothing sinverguenza about that. That’s just smart shopping.
Latino Social Media Don’ts
Send your Abuela Facebook request asking her to take a “Which Sex and the City Character Are You?” quiz. It’s all fun and games until you learn that she’s the slutty one.
Your handsome and humble servant-
[Photo by Ernesto Andrade]