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Rick Perry’s Big Announcement: Moving From Velcro to Regular Laces

Rick Perry’s Big Announcement: Moving From Velcro to Regular Laces

After teasing everyone for the past week about an upcoming massive announcement, today Texas Governor, Rick Perry, surprised all of Texas when he proclaimed proudly, boyishly that he will be leaving behind his patented, beloved Velcro wingtips and moving on to regular shoes with regular shoelaces. Sources close to the governor admit that this rather shocking change is a direct result of the overwhelming support Senator Wendy Davis received...

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Homophobic Scalia: “I Thought Grindr Was An App For Coffee Aficionados”

Antonin Scalia, conservative Supreme Court Justice and vehement opponent of gay rights, recently stumbled into what many are categorizing as an “awkward situation” when he found himself – unknowingly, according to him – in the middle of Chicago’s Pride Parade. Scalia told The Daily Refried that he is new to smartphones and mistakenly downloaded the Grindr app – an app primarily used to help gay men find...

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NFL to Permit Fans to Exchange Aaron Hernandez For OJ Simpson Jersey

After star Patriots’ tight end Aaron Hernandez was arrested in connection with the murder of Odin Lloyd Wednesday morning, the National Football League announced that they would be allowing fans to trade in their Hernandez jerseys for a throwback OJ Simpson jersey (or an even more rare Rae Caruth jersey.) Fans have rejoiced at the chance to get the rare jersey of a Hall of Fame player who was acquitted outright of the murder of his...

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Devious Maids Spin-Off, Treacherous Dishwashers, Airing on NBC This Fall

Devious Maids, a new Lifetime series created by Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry and former Housewives star Eva Longoria, centers around a group of Latina maids working in Beverly Hills. Even before it premiered last night, the show had its fair share of critics bemoaning the fact that, in their opinion, this is simply more of the same from Hollywood. They argue that TV and film overwhelmingly portray Latinas as either maids or as...

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Follow the Money: Who Has the Most to Gain From Global Warming?

Follow the Money: Who Has the Most to Gain From Global Warming?

Your handsome and humble servant- El Guapo El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter...

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Fox News Hires Paula Deen To Host Plantation-Themed Morning Show

Fox News Hires Paula Deen To Host Plantation-Themed Morning Show

In a press release yesterday, Fox News confirmed that they will be introducing a new plantation-themed morning show hosted by former Food Network star, NAACP award recipient, and plantation enthusiast Paula Deen. While the network is keeping a tight lid on the details, top executives who requested they not be named admit Fox is trying to cement its standing in a coveted demographic: conservative Southern whites who wish it was still 1852....

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Americans On NSA Surveillance: “It’s Great, Makes Me Feel Like a Kardashian”

Americans On NSA Surveillance: “It’s Great, Makes Me Feel Like a Kardashian”

Depending on who you ask, the government’s surveillance program is either a massive violation of fundamental privacy – an encroachment on civil liberties echoing the dystopian world forewarned in Orwell’s 1984 – or, as the majority of Americans see it, ‘Meh. Whatevs.” The Daily Refried staff hit the street to conduct a highly scientific study (we wore lab coats and shit) to determine just how Americans...

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After Scandal, Whole Foods Fears It May Lose All 8 Latino Customers In US

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M - Whole Foods is in the middle of a rather significant public relations debacle, after allegations that two employees in an Albuquerque, NM store were disciplined for speaking Spanish on the job. A source close to the health food behemoth says that high ranking individuals within the organization fear that this will lead to fewer Latino shoppers. Within the past few years, the store had experienced a surge in the number of...

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LeBron James Diagnosed With Vertigo

Shit, how else do you explain a man who is 6′ 8″ 250lbs flailing about like one of those balloon armed guys outside a car dealership? Unfortunately, this condition is hereditary and many suspect he got it from his mother, who just happens to look a lot like Liza Minnelli. Here, see for yourself: Your handsome and humble servant- El Guapo El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all...

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Mariachi Cover of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”

Mariachi Cover of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”

Michael Jackson + Mariachi = Amazing: El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried. TweetFacebookLinkedInTumblrStumbleDiggDelicious

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