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Large alligators in the United States usually make their homes in swamps, marshes, and the New York sewer system. The bayous of Louisiana and the Florida swamplands are popular areas for these lethal creatures. So, imagine how little 7 yr old alligator fan, Federico Torres, felt when he saw one walking upright down the streets of Phoenix smiling that deceptive smile and licking her chops.
The scaly, sun-beaten, leathery skin. The killer, callous demeanor. The lifeless eyes that glisten like marbles. The smile that hides the fact that she could as easily eat a child as look at it.
Investigators have yet to determine exactly how the creature found herself so far out of her typical habitat, but it seems that she has survived with the support of area residents who have fed the creature. Her preferred meal is fear with a healthy side of unfounded hysteria. It has reportedly learned to apply lipstick, wear pantsuits, and snap at the undocumented. She has bravely volunteered to man the moat that will accompany the fully-militarized border wall that Arizona hopes to erect.