Recent rumors of legendarily mediocre frontman Jon Bon Jovi’s death ripped through the interwebs like Taco Bell through a healthy colon. And after some serious research, The Daily Refried, has confirmed that he is, in fact, not dead.
Don’t celebrate just yet because he’s not quite alive either.
Apparently, Jovi – born John Francis Bongiovi – has joined the ranks of the undead along with a few other notable celebrities, including:
Kim Kardashian: Note the vacant stare. Clear evidence that another zombie feasted on her brain, and probably left pretty dissatisfied.
Vince Vaughn: Here he tells a crowd about his preferred method of squeezing a victim’s skull until it pops like a ripe grape.
Keith Richards: At 182, Richards often carries extra fingers in his back pocket, since he routinely has putrifying digits flying off into the crowd during demanding guitar solos.
Legendary comedian Joan Rivers made the conversion to zombie voluntarily and gradually, both exceedingly rare. She curtails her appetites by feasting on stray pets she corrals in her yard. She also had her DNA spliced with a cat… a very frightened cat.