NPR Gold Member, green-living crusader, hemp enthusiast, and weekly farmers’ market attendee Gayle McNamara spent Sunday afternoon berating the beet and asparagus selection of the Lake View Farmers’ Market. According to the 44 year old McNamara, this “shit hole” has been on the decline since they stretched the 200 mile “local” farm radius limit to 250.

Her dismay, she said, reached a boiling point when she discovered that in addition to this, only two types of organic beets and one sub par variety of asparagus were being offered. “Where’s the pride? Where’s the quality?” she sipped her free-trade coffee and readjusted her canvas NPR tote bag. “I’ve seen the calibre of this place plummet and I can’t stand idly by and watch substandard, non-certified organic asparagus tied together with gaudy plastic ties. It’s obscene. If I wanted this shit, I’d shop at Jewel. Know what I mean?”

Julia Beltran, an event cleanup worker and resident of Chicago’s south side, listened politely as McNamara’s voice broke and she needed a moment to compose herself. Julia took the opportunity to check her phone’s Bullet-Tracker app, an app providing real-time information about shootings and related homicides in her gang-infested neighborhood.

After not being able to reach her children, Julia politely excused herself and raced home to check on them. As she left, McNamara continued to shake her head in dismay when she saw Beltran speed away in a non-hybrid.

Your handsome and humble servant-

El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.

[Photo by NatalieMaynor]