You know what’s important to people based on the bumper stickers shellacked on their 1993 Ford Focus.  Of course, some bumper stickers are exceedingly popular. So, here are just a few ways to keep them fresh.  And while I don’t advocate walking around with a sharpie in hand editing the profound words that fit on an 11 x 3 sticker and underscore a person’s worldview I can’t stop you from doing so…

10. Honk if you love Jesus [Garcia]

9. Pro- [stitution is] Life

8. My son/daughter is an Honor Roll Student [in a public school *shrug*].

7. Jesus died for your sins [,and he’s regretted it ever since.]

6. VOTE! [while drunk…].

5. I’d rather be fishing [strike the “ish”].

4. [Dickhead A, B, C, or D] for President.

3. If God is Your Co-Pilot Swap Seats [Stevie Wonder].

2. My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter [nondenominational prick].

1. I don’t [eat] anything with a face [insert favorite verb].