[In this photo, Mittens explains how he likes his maids to fold his jewel-encrusted chones] During one of the 108 GOP debates, presidential hopeful and confirmed self-labotomizer Mittens Romney argued that at the center of his immigration plan is self-deportation. For many, the idea is pretty laughable. Watch him explain it below: The Daily Refried team recently conducted a really scientific poll (we used graphing paper, an abacus, a...

Remember when you went to Sea World and you sat in the splash zone, where you, in all likelihood, were subjected to getting doused with gallons of filthy water? That soft pretzel didn’t quite taste the same afterwards, did it? Well, consider yourself lucky, because every GOP debate thus far has had a similar sign posted in the first few rows, but unlike Shamu, their shit isn’t watered down. Your handsome and humble servant- El...

Go ahead, call Newt Gingrich a deceptive, racist, amoral sack of putrid excrement. Go ahead, question his ethics and bring up the that during his tenure as Speaker of the House he had 84 ethics charges filed against him, that he was fined over $300,000. Go ahead, mention the countless times in his current campaign that he’s made implicit and explicitly racist comments without batting an eye. (Although, in all fairness, so has just...

CONCORD, N.H. – After a tense few weeks, one of Rick Santorum’s beloved sweater vests has broken ties with the campaign.  Santorum has gone on record as crediting his illogical rise in the polls to one particular sweater-clad moment, a visit to a retirement community in NH.  “If there was one event that really began the momentum, it was that speech. So all of a sudden the sweater vest was like ‘Fear the...

Miami, Florida — Economic troubles have ransacked virtually every media outlet and have made budget slashing a necessary byproduct in boardrooms across the country. Countless long-respected newspapers and magazines have been threatened by or succumbed  to extinction. Powerhouse Spanish broadcast television network Univision has not been spared and is currently looking at ways to tighten its belt as the economy continues to endure...

Recent rumors of legendarily mediocre frontman Jon Bon Jovi’s death ripped through the interwebs like Taco Bell through a healthy colon.  And after some serious research, The Daily Refried, has confirmed that he is, in fact, not dead. Don’t celebrate just yet because he’s not quite alive either. Apparently, Jovi – born John Francis Bongiovi – has joined the ranks of the undead along with a few other notable...