BREAKING: Researchers Discover 100% Reliable Birth Control Method

UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX– Researchers at the University of Phoenix’s Lab Coat Campus believe they may have discovered birth control’s holy grail. Scientists indicate that “While popular contraceptives have historically been 90-99% effective when used properly, our findings have yet to find an instance where this newly found method does not instantly stop all forms of sexual activity.”

According to the report released Monday, simply taping the photo below to one’s headboard quells all sex drive in participants of every species, age, gender, and sexual orientation. Ron Mottle, the project’s head researcher indicated that permanently disabling human sex drive altogether had previously been considered an unrealistic option. Rather than attempting to obstruct fertilization during sexual intercourse, this new approach offers a significant paradigm shift in family planning. One participant interviewed added, “Not only that, but the better the resolution of the photograph, the longer the effect. I saw a high-def photo about 3 weeks ago, and I still shudder at all human contact.”

The only concern is that if overused, the drop in human reproduction will likely lead to plummeting population numbers so severe that they can bring humanity to the point of extinction in only a few generations.”
Donald Trump (5440393641) (cropped)

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El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Donald Trump) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

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