5 Hottest Jobs Available After U.S. Defaults

It will be difficult. According to the media, we are on the brink of an economic collapse like nothing the US has ever imagined. With Democrats and Republicans standing nose to nose waiting for the other to blink, one can expect the worst catastrophe since Y2K if there is not a conclusion to the debt-ceiling issue.  However, as the world comes crashing down around us and desperate battles for food, water, and shelter pin neighbor against neighbor in bloody battles, there will be lucrative opportunities for those willing to step up their game.

Here are the hottest jobs that will be available after the economic collapse:

1. Carcass shoveler

It’s going to get bad. Have a pick-up and willing to be paid in mismatched shoes and teeth with gold fillings?  Then, sign up to haul cadavers to the nearest bonfire.

2. Gun for Hire

Invariably the very fibers that hold society together and maintain order will fray and we will have to survive in a lawless wasteland dominated by cannibals and Canadian outlaws looking to exploit the chaos (not necessarily mutually exclusive).  If you have a gun and are willing to sell your allegiance to the highest bidder without any moral hang-ups, you will be living high on the hog.

3. Dentist

Don’t worry, no one will be looking for diplomas or experience. Just make sure you hold onto a set of pliers during the riots and then wait  for the teary-eyed masses to start lining up looking for tooth extractions.

4. Thespian

Took a semester of theater at the local community college? Great. When the bands of night-wanderers start getting incensed at the increasingly scarce resources, they will turn on each other.  Once this inevitably happens, convincing actors will be needed as bait. You will simply writhe around and scream in agony while holding a dented can of Spam. Once another gang is reeled in by the possibility of a snack and an incapacitated sex-slave, your crew jumps out with sharp rocks and sticks to take what the other suckers have.

5. Flesh Peddler

Remember, our moral compass will be violently shattered as everything we know crumbles around us, so the first to make peace with the tragic reality and realize that the world’s oldest profession will also be it’s last, has a chance to reign for the short while we have left.

The end is near.

Your handsome and humble servant-

El Guapo

[photo courtesy: ChaTo (Carlos Castillo)]