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Rick Perry: “Ladies, If Your Uterus Shot Bullets, I’d Protect the Ever-Living Shit Out of It”

Rick Perry: “Ladies, If Your Uterus Shot Bullets, I’d Protect the Ever-Living Shit Out of It”

Leading up to his big announcement Monday morning, Rick Perry stood before a crowd and went down a list of what he considered his major accomplishments during his 13-year tenure as Governor of Texas. Perry touted the state’s economic growth and his refusal to play ball with Washington bigwigs when their policies would hurt the Longhorn state. He quoted some scripture. He went out on a limb and admitted that he was, in fact,...

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Rick Perry’s Big Announcement: Moving From Velcro to Regular Laces

Rick Perry’s Big Announcement: Moving From Velcro to Regular Laces

After teasing everyone for the past week about an upcoming massive announcement, today Texas Governor, Rick Perry, surprised all of Texas when he proclaimed proudly, boyishly that he will be leaving behind his patented, beloved Velcro wingtips and moving on to regular shoes with regular shoelaces. Sources close to the governor admit that this rather shocking change is a direct result of the overwhelming support Senator Wendy Davis received...

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