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420: The Doritos Company Should Thank Potheads

420: The Doritos Company Should Thank Potheads

Your handsome and humble servant- El Guapo El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter...

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Caucasians Fear Racial Profiling After Boston Bombings, Refuse to Leave Whole Foods

Caucasians Fear Racial Profiling After Boston Bombings, Refuse to Leave Whole Foods

After learning that the two Boston bombers were Caucasian (as in from Russia’s actual Caucasus region – which makes them Caucasian squared), Tanner Cooper, 26, and every other shopper at the North Dayton Whole Foods barricaded themselves in the Organic, Artesian, Gluten-Free Bread department and refused to leave the store. They have been holed up in the store since the release of the killers’ photos earlier in the...

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Boston: Nation’s Young, “Dark-Skinned” Men Shocked That They’re Accused of More Atrocities

Reymundo Flores, 22, works outdoors. His father is Guatemalan. His mother is Sudanese. As a result, his skin color falls somewhere to the right of burnt sienna in the crayon box, and he has the uncanny ability to make suburban white women clutch their handbags just by walking near them. After the horrific events in Boston, unsubstantiated reports began to surface about a couple of dark-skinned men being sought in connection with the bombing...

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BREAKING: Costco to Stop Offering Samples Permanently After Motaba Virus Outbreak Lawsuit

BREAKING: Costco to Stop Offering Samples Permanently After Motaba Virus Outbreak Lawsuit

Due to a recent lawsuit costing the company $543 million, the Costco corporation will no longer be offering the samples that many argue helped catapult their national popularity, effective immediately. A young man alleges that he contracted the Motaba virus from chicken fingers he was given in a Pittsburg Costco. April Fools, fool. You can still go get your disease-free samples. The Motaba virus is the fictional one from the Dustin Hoffman...

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Dothraki Military Jets Illegally Enter US Airspace, Blatant Sign Of Aggression

Dothraki Military Jets Illegally Enter US Airspace, Blatant Sign Of Aggression

In an unprecedented development, US officials have confirmed that at least 6 Dothraki fighter jets were spotted breaching US airspace yesterday between the hours of 9 and 11:30 pm eastern time. Defense officials have confirmed that one Dothraki aircraft was shot down just outside a strip club in Tampa, Florida. No injuries have been reported and the Dothraki Embassy has confirmed an 11 am press conference. We will keep you updated as the...

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