A clever turn of a phrase or some creative flourishes are generally roundly welcomed, but, as with anything, there is a time and a place for everything. 10. During 911 calls “Hurry. Send help. The man is brandishing a sharp blade at me like some sneering pirate intent on brutality  I feel like a defenseless fawn…. Ugh…ack…[gurgle]… [silence]…[dial tone]” 9. In instruction manuals “Insert sprocket A gently into slot B as...

Fallacy (n.) – mistaken idea BEAR: “If there’s one fallacy that I’d like to disabuse you of it’s that playing dead will help deter me from tearing you to shreds.  My lazy bear buddies started that rumor, and I only mention it because I like a little exercise before a meal.  What really deters us though is rolling around in herbs and spices.” Build your vocabulary while protecting yourself from the dastardly ways of...

Cantankerous (adj.) – argumentative; quarrelsome Many Hollywood films include a cantankerous old man who eventually evolves into a lovable, relatable old coot.  Old people activists dislike these stereotypes.  They say that many times what you see is what you get.  Now get the f@#k off the lawn. Build your vocabulary while protecting yourself from the dastardly ways of literate sinverguenzas. photo by oscar...

Bane (n.) – source of pain or injury It was fun at first, but his love of observing quick-moving traffic at close range became the bane of his existence eventually when he and a particularly determined semi played an interesting game of chicken. Build your vocabulary while protecting yourself from the dastardly ways of literate sinverguenzas. photo by Walmart...

misnomer (n.) – misnaming   “Innocent bystander” can be a misnomer in this neighborhood.  The sex offenders live over there.  The Bloods and Crips live a block that a way, and now some Wall Street CEOs have moved in.  I insist we start calling unintended victims “bystanders.” Build your vocabulary while protecting yourself from the dastardly ways of literate sinverguenzas. Your handsome and humble servant- El...